Sunday, October 14, 2007
Make this ride as fast as I can
Tonight this road home feels a little longer
I hope you know that you were my best friend
Tonight I said goodbye, but I should have said more
Thanks for the best time of my life.
Come home, I won't forget the times that we had
I'm wishing that you weren't a part of my past
there will come a time when these moments of weakness will be transformed into His perfect power. there will come a time when i can fully appreciate His grace which up to now hasn't felt sufficient enough for me. despite these constant needs to change and the frequent ups and downs, i can't help but feel that my coping mechanism isn't enough to let the feeling pass.
i used to feel that people suffering from depression should just stick in and get it over with. how pathetic to want to think of suicide and how it will solve every problem you have with life, with people, with the world. but all my prejudices fall back upon me, as i realise i am a victim of such a disorder. and now instead of feeling scorn for the suicidees, i now pity them. they simply weren't strong enough to let the feeling pass. people cope differently and i find that each path leads them down further destruction until they wake up and find God.
i now realise too, why i saw the long narrow road before me. oh how long and how straight will i have to walk in Him. last night i had a small taste of what it was like to be in Heaven. though it did not last long - the one in the world was simply too eager to destroy it for me - i appreciate and can finally understand the concept of eternity, and how we could be so happy for that long. so maybe i haven't walked out of this nor do i see a way out, but i know my final destination. and how long it will take to get there. i don't intend to cut it shorter than it really should. so that thought should be enough for tonight.
oh how our relationship has deteriorated to this. but i'm not complaining.
convicted by Your spirit, led by Your word
3:38 AM
