Monday, July 24, 2006
to get over incoherent thoughts, would have been daunting to say the least for my past. i could never get rid of them. it was that emo-part of me. when it dwelt into my essence. that mist of depression and unhappiness just seemed to hover around my head all the time.
i found this need to go depend on someone. when i couldn't sleep anymore. and i guess. i'm happy. that i found no one to talk to last night. for only then. did i hit rock bottom. and i stayed there for awhile. sunk in dejectedness and pain.
but i opened my eyes. and found that the rock bottom i hit. was God after all. maybe it was probably a lesson. or what He wanted to tell me. that there wasn't any point depending on people. because they never really did help after all. it only made me feel more vulnerable as i opened myself. like a photo album for all to see. that listless side of me.
that photo album has changed now. i've changed the content. instead people will see the happy side of me. the lame, the nonsensical, the fun aspects of my life. but more importantly, they will see and remember, that this photo album was once wrought with useless information, but is now a testament of what God can do.
He never fails. a simple and unforgettable lesson. but perhaps its the toughest we go through that reminds us of the significance of it all. that nothing ever happens as coincidence. that everything happened for one reason. for the benefit of you. and for the future benefit you will bring on others.
so what can i say?
what can i do?
but offer this Heart O God
completely to You.
i can never imagine how much it took for God to get me here. planning so detailed-ly, just so that i could be saved, sanctified and brought closer to Him. but it is not enough. its our charge as Children to go out into the world.
we'll grow inwards. and once He's filled us, we'll overflow, exploding outwards.
this hands aren't mine.
use them as You will.
convicted by Your spirit, led by Your word
5:55 AM
