Wednesday, July 26, 2006
and to think. that no matter how much i want out. when you're not doing well. i just gotta pull myself back in. in hopes that somehow i could help. and to worry myself away as you slowly piece it all back.
i'm reflecting back to the little exhibition i attended last sunday. are we seriously spoilt for choice. getting a degree doesn't really seem that hard now. but yet. just to join the line of the lifesavers, so much must be sacrificed. your prime. your money. your effort just to earn that doctorate. so that i can go out to save the hearts of this world. that's what i've always wanted to do. save hearts. maybe that's why i want to be a cardiologist. and there's so many options. uk, us. singapore. and with each course/uni/place. opens many other roads to take.
*lol i just realised i'm thinking of this 3 years too early. or 1 if i end up disrupting.*
i've always wanted to get out of singapore. away from this hot and sticky place. find some cool dry place, study and party away. of course more of the first. and maybe find some hot chicks i can hang out with. lol. life of a player. but then again. its just the fact that i can finally do things the way i want to. without the constant need to live up to standards, to have parents curtailing your moves. to be censored and propoganda-ed by the home govt. and go to somewhere free where in a sense. you actually do start anew. with a new identity. a new life.
but i've found a new identity. a new life. and it emerged in the december of 2004. from mark the son of Lim Chwee Hock. to mark, still the son of Lim Chwee Hock, but also a child of the Lord, an heir to the kingdom, and a warrior for Christ. to fight and win back all those lost.
and, during one of our brotherhood sessions. we realised, that in a matter of a few years, its gonna be smaller/broken up. cheryl's leaving. jer's leaving. marcus' leaving. i'm leaving. we all suddenly face this heavy feeling that its gonna end sooner then we expect. but has it all come to naught? i don't think so.
as a brotherhood, we've grown up together. we'll grow inwards together. and we'll explode outwards together. as abide 2, we're stirred, to make music for Him. such service is good and pleasing to Him. and i can't find better people to share this joy with.
and. i have this nagging feeling in my heart. that i'm too be called home, to stay here. for there's so much more to do. so much more to learn. and even more so. i suddenly have this notion. that i know i am to save hearts. but how will i do so? many things are starting to call again. missions.... missions.... medicine... medicine. and i'll pray. that focus and clarity will come soon. and i'll see the path. that path on which i'll take.
but to offer this heart O God,
completely to You.
this hands are Yours, Father.
use them as You will.
and there's so much more. too much more in fact. its just too big for me to comprehend right now.
but still. i think of you. of how much potential you hold in you. that you're holding it all back. and i hope i'll know how to help. and i can only pray that God will continue to uplift you. and that you will be able to see it happening to you.
convicted by Your spirit, led by Your word
8:04 AM
